A woman is at a standstill with her boyfriend because they can’t agree on a housing budget.
She took to Reddit’s “Am I the A******? (AITA)” forum for advice. She makes more than twice what her boyfriend makes and spends less than half of what he does on rent. But now that they’re deciding to live together, he expects her to pay higher rent, but she doesn’t feel it’s necessary.
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“I make a $120,000 salary and currently rent a room in a rental house shared with friends for $470 a month rent and utilities,” she said. “I spend 4.7% of my income on housing. My boyfriend makes a $55,000 salary and rents a one-bedroom luxury apartment for $1,200 a month [for] rent and utilities. He spends 26% of his income on housing.
“So when we each thought about living together, I didn’t realize at first, but we had a way different budget and idea of what we wanted,” she explained. “I was happy with a budget apartment. I wanted to keep my rent and utilities under $650, which would be an increase from what I was paying. And I was imagining splitting the rent halfsies. He wanted another place in a luxury apartment complex.”
She didn’t think spending so much money on rent made sense and felt like her boyfriend was using her.
“He was imagining keeping his payment the same or a little less and splitting the rent proportionally to our incomes,” she said. “So on the higher end, he’d be paying $1,200 and I’d be paying $2,618 for a budget of $3,818. Or on the lower end, he’d be paying $700, and I’d be paying $1,526 for a budget of $2,226. I said that wasn’t financially responsible to be spending stupid money on rent. And that my budget was firm at $650 tops.
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“He said I was being ridiculously frugal, not making our relationship a priority and wanting to take advantage of him by asking to go halfsies on rent when I make way more. I said it felt like he was trying to spend my money for something only he wanted. I’m happy to sleep in literally anywhere that’s clean and safe. He said I was treating our relationship like a financial negotiation and not caring about our future, and I said I felt the same, but like he was treating me like a cash cow to get something only he cared about.”
Redditors thought both parties were being unreasonable.
“He’s right that you’re not making any room for your future with him. You want to live the single nomad life. You’re right that the kind of apartment he wants is a ridiculous and irresponsible use of money,” a user said.
“I don’t agree with your boyfriend needing and pursuing you into a luxury apartment when he can’t afford it, and you don’t want one. Such a stupid, selfish move. But I also don’t think 50-50 is fair, either,” another commented.
“You two aren’t going to work out long-term,” a person commented.
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